Jason's Thunder
by JustTony7
Summary: Jason likes sleep, and he hates when people interrupt what little sleep he actually gets in a week. So when he gets a call from Roy's phone in the middle of the night and finds out he got himself kidnapped, Jason loses it. Rated T for a lot of cursing.


**Hey everyone I'm BACK with my second fic. This is going to be a bit more T rated because reasons. TheHellkiteRobin helped me write this so go give him a look, he's working on more serious projects. As per usual I own nothing.**

* * *

Roy groaned, the inky black that normally accompanied sleep being shot with red as a giant LED blazed above him. He cracked an eye open experimentally, and gave another groan at the fiery pain that shot through his head. Harper tried moving his arms, only to realize that he was _tied_. That...was just _great._ He felt around his jean pockets for his phone.

"Fucking great," he barked quietly, eyes fully open at this point. Green eyes flicked around, getting a lay of the area. Not that it would matter, they had him bound like a terrorist video victim, and it was mostly dark besides the singular spotlight shining right above him. Roy noticed a Vietnamese guy in the corner holding an AK-47, he'd totally know where they were.

"Hey, you!" He coughed out, voice scratchy. That tended to happen when you haven't had a sip of water in hours, and his throat was raw. Roy desperately needed a tequila and a beach at the moment. The guy with the AK turned to him, but it was dark and Roy couldn't quite make out his expression. The man pulled out what looked like a walkie talkie, and finally spoke.

"He's awake," was all he said.

"Damn right, I'm awake, now tell me where the hell I am and how I got here." Roy shimmied in his seat and gave him the best glare he could manage, not bat tier, but pretty fierce in its own right. He could hear the sound of footsteps approaching, and a door opened in a corner of the room that he hadn't realized was there before. Four heavily armed men strolled in, and one of them who could be assumed to be the leader based on his appearance looked pleased, and gave Roy a knowing look before holding up the latters phone.

"Câm miệng lại!" The guard screamed, voice carrying through the facility as if he had a megaphone. "You'll know soon enough, Woy Hawper." His face contorted into a sneer. "Talk again and I'll shoot you." Roy put on his best 'I hate you all' face and waited for the inevitable ransom call. The leader of these assholes seemed like a patient guy.

"Yo, Bukkakese!" Roy called out after a while and snickered at the derogatory name, "I need some water, or you won't have a guy to ransom anymore. USD isn't worth much in your country, so I don't know what you expect to gain." Arsenal returned the sneer, eyes glinting with malice. "Unless your shitty jungle of a country is so poor that a dollar here is like gold to you."

Bukkakese was aiming at him. "I bet you get paid half a dong. HA! Dong! Go suck on your wallet."

It was time to make that call, the leader just ran out of patience.

* * *

Jason was trying to catch up on some sleep. He and Roy had recently been working their asses off doing this job for their Rent-A-Bat business. It involved a lot of shooting, some Vietnamese guys, and a briefcase, but this was old news. The job was done, or so he thought.

Jason was ripped away from the peaceful release of sleep by quite possibly the most irritating sound on the planet, his phone ringing. People knew better than to call him when he was trying to get sleep, because he only got so much in a week. Todd reached out his hand, trying to feel around for the offending device. He couldn't find it with his hand, so he resorted to getting up and looking for it. Whoever was calling him had better have some good news or he was going to break someone's neck. He finally found the phone, and his scowl only deepened when he saw that it was Roy who was calling him.

"Listen, fuckstick!" Jason was triggered. "You'd better be-"

"Wed Hood, we have Woy Hawper." Jason was interrupted by someone who obviously couldn't pronounce the letter R.

"Who the fuck is this?" Jason was not in the mood for this.

"This is Shadow Lion, now pay atte-" The leader started.

"Shadow what?" Jason interrupted the Vietnamese man, confused and tired. That combination just made him angrier.

"THIS IS SHADOW LION," these two were making Shadow Lion lose his patience, and he practically screamed into the phone. "We want what you stole from us, or we will kill your friend!" Jason sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. They wanted the briefcase.

"Alright, Shadow Lion, fuck face. First, take a big step back, and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE." Jason was beyond triggered now. Roy had the fucking nerve to get his dumb ass kidnapped and now these assholes were interrupting his sleep? "I don't know what kind of bullshit power play you're trying to pull here but Roy Harper is my territory. So whatever you're thinking of doing think again because if you don't I'm going to have to head down there and I will rain down an un-godly fucking firestorm upon you. You're going to have to call the United fucking Nations and get a binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you! I'm talking scorched earth motherfucker! I will massacre you! I WILL FUCK YOU UP." Jason hung up the phone. On the other line, the leader stared at the phone with a bewildered expression. Roy was laughing his ass off.

Jason began to get dressed, and turned on the tracking app he and Roy had agreed to putting on their phones in case of literally this kind of situation. For the record, he was fully intent on following through with what he just threatened to do, and began packing his RPG along with some other assorted explosives.

* * *

Roy wiped a tear from his face with his shoulder. He was laughing so hard that the rope began to chafe him, and he felt like his lungs were gonna explode. "O-Oh Jesus, that's awesome! Hey, Bukkakese-" Cue the 'ah-heh-ha!' "-how does it feel to know that your shitty group of five dongs-DONGS!-is gonna get fucked up by the big bad WED HOOD?!" Arsenal was losing his shit now, laughing ever harder at the shocked and pissed faces of every Vietnamese terrorist in the joint.

He had a thing in his suit for this situation, too, so this was gonna be great when Jason got here. "Je-Jesus, I think I ruptured my intestine…I'm good. I'm good." Harper gave a few final chuckles…

...and smiled as he held out his hands from behind the chair, having freed himself.

* * *

Jason, using the tracker app, had finally made it to the warehouse where Roy's signal was coming from, and snuck in. One thing he actually noticed was the lack of guards, which should have been good, but just kind of put him off. The signal was getting stronger, and Jason figured he was in the right place when he stopped in front of a door. Jason prepped his guns and swiftly kicked open the door, aiming inside. Instead of Roy tied up to a chair, Jason found him sitting on a pile of bodies, drinking a bottle of water.

"Yo, you're late," Roy gave a small salute with two fingers. "Now let's get out of here, I'm starving." Under Jasons helmet, he had a very murderous scowl plastered on his face.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Jason was this close from shooting Roy just for making him come out here. Arsenal had the nerve to laugh.

"Did you seriously quote Tropic Thunder? You get major props for that man, you'd make a kick ass Les Grossman." Roy stood up from the pile of bodies he was sitting on, and patted Jason on the back. "Let's go get something to eat, I'm buying."

"I... actually fucking hate you." Jason turned around and left, and Roy followed, extremely amused.

* * *

 **And that's all folks! Yeah I got the idea from this from watching tropic thunder, good movie. Had to downplay some of the insults that Roy was giving because I felt the original ones went a bit overboard and I didn't want to offend anyone. As always thanks for reading and leave a review to give me some feedback on how I can improve!**


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